


Home

by Oumy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pain, Post apocalypse othwrwise known as 3×18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 23:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18486931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oumy/pseuds/Oumy
Summary: Post breakup scene. After the door closed 💔





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> That episode was tragic postry. My heart hurts and I'm in pain, so consider this a release of some miserable energy 💔

The door to the bookshop clicked into place leaving nothing but the eerie silence and the pain Magnus could feel spreading through his being. He'd left him. Alexander had left him after he'd promised time and time again to always be there, no matter what. He'd shattered his world with a few well aimed words and walked out on everything they'd built together.

It wasn't his fault though. Magnus knew that. He knew that this day would one day come, when Alec realized that he was too much to handle, when he just couldn't bother making an effort anymore. He felt so broken inside, so battered and weak and he hated it. He hated the shaking of his limbs and the hitch in his breath that was making every inhale more laboured than the one before it.

 _The spark inside you, the one I fell in love with, was out for good._ It hadn't felt like that. Surprisingly, and even after that embarrassing moment when he'd broken down at dinner, Magnus had still felt like there was a flare of hope, a little burning candle that was fed by Alec standing by his side. It had only gone out when Alexander had broken his heart just then. That's when it felt like his world was caving around him.

Would it ever hurt any less? To know that you weren't enough for the people you loved? Magnus was so tired of not being enough. He hadn't been enough for his mother. He hadn't been enough for Camille. He hadn't been enough for the warlocks of New York. He'd thought his luck was changing with Alexander. He'd thought that he of all people, would love him through the ups and the downs, but the wound on his heart spelt otherwise.

His knees felt weak and wobbly, and as he sank into a chair, Maryse stepped out of the back office, cheerful smile on her face "Hey, did I hear Alec's voice? Is he here to take you home?"

It was that last word that broke the dam, and even as Magnus tried to stop another breakdown from happening in front of another Lightwood, a sob escaped and his entire body was racked with chills as he let out the pain the only way he could. Magnus had no home. He had no one and nothing and God, it hurt so much!

Maryse rushed forward and dropped to her knees, a frantically worried frown on her face as she hugged him to her and whispered "What happened? Magnus, what's wrong?"

Magnus couldn't tell her. He couldn't stop the tears enough to tell her, even as he was hit with the irony of where his fate had led him. Here he was, crying in the arms of the woman who not so long ago, despised him just for being him, the woman whose own son had just left him because he wasn't enough to fight for, whose son had just decimated the little shards of his soul he had clung to. 

The kicker was, Magnus couldn't hate him, not even as he felt his heart rip apart from the force of his grief. He loved him so much he'd be willing to forget all the words he'd said, if only he had given him a chance. If only Alexander hadn't just left, even after he'd begged him not to. 

Home. She spoke to him of going home, as if he had one, as if he would ever know the safety of the word in anything other than Alexander's arms, as if he would ever feel the peace of the concept without Alec's warmth beside him. 

The knowledge had been inside him for a while now, dormant and waiting, as he tried his best to live in the moment and postpone thinking of a future so uncertain, but Magnus had known it nonetheless, and as a sympathetic Maryse patted his back and rocked him back and forth, he knew it then. There was no surviving Alec Lightwood.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're not too dead as I am, leave a comment and let me know what you think.


End file.
